My Stepdad

TODAY’S BREW: This apple crisp stuff, the bag was pretty.

By Julie 

Hello dumplings.

I hope you’ve seen THE HARPY blurb that my darling buddy Jolene posted here! It’s on the Goodest of Reads as well, and will soon be up for PREORDERRRRRR

See the source image

This book is right back to my horror roots, and I’m happy to be there.

My life has been filled with plenty of horror lately, unfortunately. My stepfather passed away this week after a stroke two weeks ago. I’m not ready to talk about it. I’ll filter that energy into the book I’m working on in October.

I’ve done plenty of good, too, however. Ginormous book fair went amazingly well. I love to run the Scholastic Book Fair for our tiny school–the kids were absolutely awed by this one. I was awed by the help I received from other moms at school and their wonderful kids. During Open House we had no less than 12 people working the book fair alone, and it was PACKED. $1300 in only two hours. Our school doesn’t even have 200 students! With the earnings we made this week we filled every teacher’s wish list and we’re re-furnishing the library.

The book fair is good for the soul and I sure needed that last week. I toil hours away there, all day for five days and a couple of nights and it fills me with such happiness that I can barely express it. The greatest thing for grief is doing good, I’ve found out. Something immediate to turn to that is undeniably life-altering for someone changes my perspective, gets me out of my head and out of the hospital and off the phone and all the things that go with the tragedy of a stroke. And wow. Strokes are indeed the most horrendous thing I’ve ever seen.

In any case, you always get me at my most flayed, and I got up the little energy I could to touch base with you all, let you know that even now, my readers are wildly important to me. You help me through the trials of life.

My stepdad wanted THE HARPY out in the world more than anyone. He’s the only family member to have read it. One of a handful to read it at all. Let this be a lesson to you: don’t dawdle on putting your dream into action. Make sure the ones who want to see your creations get to. Do it for them and do it for yourself.

Reading was a connection I had with my father, who passed away when I was 16. He instilled a great love of books for me. And my stepfather loved to read, was my biggest fan. I loved talking books with him, and he loved to support me. I’ll never forget it. I’ll never forget him. He was the most genuine, kind, thoughtful, generous person you could meet and laughed with me until the very end.

Thank you, Wayne, for being the only man who could step into my dad’s shoes. He would say nobody should step into his shoes because he only had toes on one foot.

Be who you need to be in this life, folks. Nothing else matters.

 

 

THE HARPY IS ON GOODREADS!

TODAY’S BREW: Iced coffee–black like my soul.

By Jolene

You’re probably thinking, Who the hell are you? Where’s Julie?! What have you done with her? Don’t worry, I’m just the friendly ghost in her attic, all Devon-Sawa-in-Casper-dreamy, floating in to tell you that Julie’s newest book, The Harpy, is UP ON GOODREADS!

This is not a drill.

The cover is yet to be revealed but you can read the blurb below. Also, Julie is planning a cover reveal to her mailing list first, so if you want to be the first to see her beautiful, gorgeous, stunning cover of The Harpy, make sure your cute butt is signed up for her mailing list! Until then, here’s a little bit more about The Harpy, out in October 2018.

Untitled design

Charity Blake survived a nightmare. Now she is one.

Punk-rock runaway Charity Blake becomes a Harpy at night—a treacherous mythical monster who preys upon men just like the ones who abused her. Struggling through an endless stream of crappy coffee shop jobs, revolted stares, and self-isolation during the day, Charity longs to turn into the beast at night. Doing the right thing in all the wrong ways suits her.

But a Harpy’s life belongs in Hell—the gruesome Wood of Suicides, where the Harpy queen offers Charity just what she’s looking for: a home where she can reign supreme and leave behind the agony of her past. The choice to stay in Hell would be easy, were it not for a rock-and-roll neighbor who loves her for the woman she is—even when he discovers the creature she becomes—and unexpected new friends with their own deranged pasts and desires who see Charity as their savior. But salvation isn’t in the cards for Charity. Not when her friends see through her vicious attitude and fall in love with her power as the Harpy. 

Struggling between the life of an injured outcast and the grizzly champion of a blood-red hellscape, Charity must thwart her friends’ craving for her power enough to fear her corruption—and determine once and for all where her salvation lies: in eternal revenge or mortal love.

Add The Harpy on Goodreads!

If you’re still scared and wondering where Julie is, you can still check in and say hi to her on Twitter. Life man, it’s crazy. ;P

World Suicide Prevention Day

TODAY’S BREW: Pumpkin everything, shame-free

By Julie

Suicide awareness and suicide prevention are not the same thing, and I want to speak up about it now, when the world is trying to listen.

It’s a great step forward that suicide is on the radar, not as something that crazy people do. Talking about it is good, it’s great–but talking about it with a purpose is more important.

You may know that my baby has Bipolar Disorder and OCD. We saw the signs of a mood disorder really early. Like, REALLY early. Some of the things that come to mind: As an infant he hated being confined–couldn’t stay still in a bassinet in our room. We had to move him to another room in a giant crib to get him to sleep at all. Sitting in his little Bumbo seat before he could sit up on his own, he was most happy when given a pile of magazines to rip the pages out of and put in stacks. My sister in law called him “Stan,” like a little office worker. He had to carry an assortment of certain toys and things with him everywhere, making us late for things, not able to go out at all sometimes because he would have a violent tantrum if one thing was out of the mix. We had to go up and down the stairs at our house–only at our house–in a certain order, get in the car in a certain order or he’d turn into someone else. Adrenaline-fueled violent episodes. I remember one time at the “quiet” Walmart a half hour away that I’d go to so it wouldn’t trigger him–I put eggs in the carriage. Sam was barely able to talk yet, he was so little. Screaming “NO EGGS” over and over until we had to leave. It took me over a half hour to put him in his 5 point harness because he was thrashing so violently. And that was not uncommon. The police have had to be called on our toddler because he was being so violent about getting in the car the “proper” way, refusing to stay seated, needing to start the entire afternoon over so that the doors got opened in the right way. We used to call him “Frats” because he’d be up allll night, singing and running in circles, banging into things, like a frat party animal–he’d only be okay if he was in his playpen, where he’d go on like this for hours. I remember doing crunches to try to stay awake, and my husband and I slept in shifts so Sam wouldn’t be alone. (Search #Frats on Twitter. It was funny? But it was scary.)

This is just stuff off the top of my head.

The violence that we lived with every hour of every day was what finally sent us to seek help. My landlords that live downstairs had the courage to come to me and say, “Something is wrong with Sam.” When someone finally said it, I went right away for help.

Sam was three.

Now a lot of people might say that he was too young for us to see anything wrong. That ADHD explains a lot of it. That parenting is to blame, or he needs more boundaries.

What say is that when my baby’s pupils would dilate to make his eyes nearly black, that when at 3 he would be in such a rage that he could throw tables across a room, that any baby that doesn’t want to be held, that any child we couldn’t allow to have a pencil, a pair of safety scissors, anything sharp, that was so angry about living… That is a child who has more than an attention issue.

Mental illness runs in my  family. And I’ve seen what happens when mood disorders and other disorders are recognized too late. That was not going to be my child.

I’m a warrior when it comes to my children’s continuing mental health care. I am not any different than you. All I did was take measures to ensure my child got the proper treatment and that his brother was able to cope with it in a healthy way also–because mental illness is something we all fight together.

Again, I want to say that talking about suicide with purpose is more important than just being aware of it. The things we do as a family to ensure that our child with Bipolar Disorder and OCD does not end up considering suicide can work for anyone, anyone who pays attention to warning signs. Here are my tips, and I have to say, I’m an expert now.

  • WATCH FOR SIGNS OF CHANGE. “Triggers” can’t always be recognized or anticipated when it comes to episodes–and I say “episodes” in regards to when Sam would change. This certainly isn’t all-encompassing or even applicable, necessarily, to your situation or someone you know. This is just my experience and the advice I can offer so you can prevent the mindset that could lead to suicide. Like I said, the triggers could be ANYTHING. And I do mean anything, to set him into such a violent state that he had to be physically restrained and cooled down with ice to stop trying to hurt himself or us. (I apologize if I go off-rail here a bit. It’s very very difficult to relive these memories, but it’s important. It’s so important.) The changes though–these I can now see a mile away. Before Sam would lose it, his eyes would become so dark it was frightening. His face would become incredibly serious, dark. A certain few words he’d use–this changes or grows sometimes–were red flags. If he called someone a “maniac,” he needed to be helped control himself. If he swears, he’s been triggered. Time to intervene. These days if he says, “don’t judge me,” (by the way, he’s EIGHT), he’s starting to lose control of his emotions. For me, that means he needs to be taken aside. Recently I plopped my ass down in the middle of Barnes & Noble and played Fish with him–which I carry in my purse. I know it settles him down to play a short game quietly. I think it helps him to know that someone understands he needs the world to stop for him for a few minutes. Then we were okay. Before the freakout gets out of hand, I see these signs and know it’s time to let him know I’m on his side, but he’s losing control. That it’s time to use our tools (a therapy term) to settle down and get control back. See the signs of change–long term or short term–and take them seriously enough to address them. I think that’s the key: take it seriously enough to address it.
  • SPEAKING OF TAKING IT SERIOUSLY… I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard that this one or that one, child or adult alike, are only “doing x thing for attention,” or “said they wanted to hurt themselves but it’s only to get a rise out of x person,” or “is getting moody but it’s (stop me if you heard this one) just for attention.” So, um, here’s the thing: IF IT’S JUST FOR FUCKING ATTENTION, THEN GIVE THE PERSON THE ATTENTION. If someone says anything that alarms you, or is meant to alarm you–they’re going to hurt themselves, they wish they were dead, etc… DON’T PLAY GOD. Just fucking ADDRESS IT. In our house, if someone says they’re thinking of hurting themselves, (and it’s been more than one of us), or that they’re so sad they don’t know what to do, or that they want to die, all it takes is for you to reach out. If you’re a parent, there are unlimited resources to help IMMEDIATELY. At the very easiest, teachers, guidance counselors, hell, even the ER. We have a 24 hour crisis center for families that need immediate psychiatric help, either just to talk to a professional or something more. I had to run to them once when Sam hit himself in the head with a toy and said, “I did that for you,” to me and his brother. That kind of guilt and self-image needed immediate attention, not my talking him down and boosting his self-esteem or telling him I’m not angry with him for whatever. We went straight to that crisis center, which was, ironically enough, closed for Memorial Day. So I went straight to the ER. And I got the help I needed. Here’s the thing–Sam didn’t really get HURT, and he may never have done it again, but I couldn’t comfortably leave a room without worrying. That kind of sideways mentality could only manifest more seriously if left unaddressed. At the ER he met a psychologist and a psychiatrist (who actually suggested he be committed to a facility for a few days), and we had all the tests we needed to have done just to make sure everything was OKAY. Going forward, I live by the idea that if a kid’s saying something alarming or doing something alarming “just for attention,” then give it to them! Don’t YOU make the call! It’s as simple as saying, “Okay, hop in the car, we’re just taking a little drive.” If a professional determines that it’s nothing to be worried about, then great. But what if it had been? Either way, the kid got the attention they needed. And YOU showed them that it MATTERS TO YOU. Now THAT is how to prevent suicide.
  • LIKE I JUST FUCKING SAID, SHOW THEM THAT THEY MATTER. I show Sam that it matters to me how he’s feeling by giving him the attention he needs when he needs it. I show him by listening when he’s having an episode and reacting when the time is right: I don’t fuel his aggression by getting angry. The Hulk can’t listen when he’s green. If he’s beyond my control, I recognize it and do something about it. If he’s beyond MY control, I realize how terrifying that must be to HIM. Time for the drive to the hospital or the crisis center. We may never have to get there! We’ve taken the drive and he’s been able to say, “I’m okay now. Let’s talk about it.” And he really, really does that. He’s learned that he can talk about it, that he MUST talk about it. There are consequences for losing control, even though it’s not always his fault. There was a long time where he’d wonder why we were angry with him because he doesn’t always remember what happens when “the angry beast” comes out. NOW he knows that he has to talk about it because no matter how unfair, there is accountability for this disorder to ensure that we stay on top of it, that we understand his feelings, or if there are new issues to handle. Either way, IT MATTERS that we talk about how he was feeling, what we could do differently as a team the next time, and that he feels understood, or at least listened to.
  • OH, ALSO, SHOW THEM THAT YOU MATTER. Sam also understands that his actions affect us. We need to talk about that too. When the time is right. TALK about it–not a yelling match, not an explosion. Talk about it, even when nothing has instigated it. “Thanks Sam, for letting me have some quiet time. I need that every day, you know?” Simple things like that which show him that emotional needs are important. For that matter, I take care of my mental health. I see a therapist, too. I ensure that I take care of myself by being creative, resting, going to the doctor, just doing things that make ME happy. Lead by example. And recognize if this person you’re concerned about isn’t. Ask them about it. “How are you doing, really? I notice you’re stress-eating like Little Debbie hurt you on the inside.” (maybe not that, but you know what I mean.) It may be uncomfortable to say, but SO FUCKING WHAT.
  • THERAPY. Sam has a team. A psychiatrist that prescribes his meds and checks in with him every couple of months. The school principal, nurse, teachers, counselors…they ALL know what I just told you. I update it as needed. I let them know what his new warning signs are, or what I’m noticing at home. And he sees a behavior therapist bi-weekly now–to be increased if necessary, though it has not been. What the wonderful thing is that with regular behavior therapy since he was four, Sam now controls his behavior, he lives the way he wants to live to make himself and everyone else happy. His behavior therapy has become emotional therapy now. He has FEELINGS he needs help understanding. When he loses control it may not come out in punches, it comes out in a swear that gets him in trouble at school. (Come to find out, he’d been targeted and set off because the kid knew if Sam got upset enough he would swear and it was funny. And then the Autistic kid in class would repeat the swear, which, yay, HILARIOUS). So now the school knows that when Sam swears it isn’t because he’s pushing limits–it’s because his limit has been pushed. It’s rare, and it’s not punishable. Period. On another note, therapy for his big brother is necessary too! Ben has severe anxiety–as do I. But talking about it is massively helpful. He has warning signs, too. Whenever he says, “I don’t know,” we know that he’s overwhelmed. Simple, I know. But if he’s confused, he’s terrified and anxious. In addition to that, we all need someone to talk to about living with someone who has life-altering disorders. We have a responsibility to do that, to ourselves and to him.
  • DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO. One of the things that makes Bennett anxious is a gathering around a table. Yeah, I’m talking about formal dinners. Thanksgiving, for instance. Last year it was just us, me and Tim, Ben and Sam. But the prospect of sitting at our big dinner table looking at each other and expecting something, I guess… it literally sent him to bed in tears for an hour. This is NOT a kid who overdramatizes. I’ve found him at a family Christmas party, sobbing in an empty room because he couldn’t handle the stress. WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS, JULIE? Because you know what? We got rid of the fucking dining room table and traded it in for a little pub table that we use every single day. It’s casual, it feels like US. Yeah, we might not be hosting dinner parties anytime soon, but FUCK ‘EM IF THEY CAN’T TAKE A JOKE. My kid needs this and we like it better this way. Also, if we can’t go to the giant Christmas party, well that’s just too bad. We might try. We might go and pop in for an hour and leave before half the people know we were there. We might go without Ben. We might not go at all. We might miss out on stuff, and that has to be okay. THE BIG EXPECTED THING DOES NOT HAVE TO BE BOWED DOWN TO LIKE A FALSE GOD. He doesn’t HAVE to be in the school play, he doesn’t HAVE to go to the Christmas party, he doesn’t HAVE to be made uncomfortable just to face his unknown fears WHERE HE IS CHALLENGED TO NOT ONLY FIGURE THE FEAR OUT BUT THEN DEAL WITH IT ALL IN THE NAME OF TRADITION OR DOING WHAT’S EXPECTED. Fuck that noise.
  • GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF AND IF MEDICATION IS NECESSARY, GET IT. I don’t like to take aspirin if I don’t have to. But I take meds for anxiety, a mood disorder, stuff to stabilize my hormones, panic pills as necessary… Because my quality of life SUCKED before them. When medication was suggested hesitantly when Sam had barely turned four, I didn’t waste a second in complying. His quality of life…well, it was unliveable. We woke up every day in tears, knowing what we all were waking up to. Sam took medication and for the first time in 4 years I was able to watch him sit down and color a picture without having to run in circles and fall down or threaten to stab us with a pencil. I AM NOT SAYING MEDICATION IS THE ANSWER. But it goddamn well is a component in the intricate puzzle we keep together with him. If Sam doesn’t have the therapy/parenting quality/school involvement/medication seamlessly upkept, it all falls to shit. They go hand in hand. I refuse to be the asshole that says “my kid isn’t taking drugs” just so nobody looks at me funny. He needs these things right now to help him be the happy, productive, creative, confident child he’s become. One who has never seen his academic career suffer despite all he deals with. He’s not even on an individualized plan. One time last year he was marked down on his report card for not participating in class–this is unusual for him. He’d also been acting out at home, irritating us on purpose with no benefit to himself, claiming everyone was angry at him all the time… We realized that we’d dealt with his manic cycles so often that this was actually indicative of a depressive cycle for him. Once we recognized it and talked it over with him, we were able to address it as a family. We’ve been through two or three of these now, and they get easier every time. (Again, went off the rails a little there, but too damn bad.) In any case, it did require a slight shift in his medication for a certain period of time.
  • ALSO, IN REGARDS TO MEDICATION… Sam knows what his medication does for him. He’s beginning to understand which one does what. He knows when he has to take it regularly and at what point he needs medication to help him in the moment. As he gets older I’m holding him more accountable for his part in when he has those in the moment needs. If he’s out of control and we’ve tried everything, yes, I give him the instant release medication–and I’m telling him I’ve done my part trying to help him control himself, and then gave him the meds, and now he has to do his part. He has to use his tools. Deep breathing, sitting quietly and reading a book, whatever he needs and wherever he needs it. Now I’m able to give him half of the instant release pill to calm him (clonidine), and say, “Now you do your part. We have to work for it.” Often taking the entire pill will put him to sleep–often he NEEDS that because he’s been running on a manic cycle and can’t stop. But sometimes it can be avoided by just saying, “let’s put the work in.” He knows what the meds do and that they aren’t the only answer. His 11 year old brother knows when and how to give him his meds. It’s like needing to eat healthy meals–nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to hide. (Unless you’ve seen Sam eat a meal; sometimes, I do want to hide.)

What I’m saying through all this stuff is that we pay attention to feelings in this house. We make them a priority. We suffer through stuff together. When we have to or when we just want to for the bigger picture. We feel comfortable to be ourselves and admit that we have problems, we have fears, we need help. We speak out about our feelings and needs. We refuse to be ashamed. We’re open that we have disorders, that we take medication, that there are some things we can’t handle alone or sometimes at all. I, myself, have called the suicide hotline when I thought there was an issue. There’s a text number I utilize often as well, where they just listen when I need to talk. For me, in the U.S. I text SUPPORT to 741-741. It’s a priceless resource. I recommend the line to other people, say we use it all the time. I won’t be afraid to admit that we aren’t perfect. We are not disorders, we HAVE them. We have challenges, but we’re HAPPY. Happy overall doesn’t mean there aren’t terrible disturbances inside–it just means that we know in the end, we’ll be okay.

I won’t be humble about it: I have created and ensured that this home has become a safe place to feel what we want to feel, talk about what we don’t want to feel, recognize what will keep each other protected and happy. A place where the problem is handled as soon as it happens. A place where we care about ourselves and each other, and if there’s a change in that, it’s all of our problems. We won’t ever FIX the things that weaken the four of us…but we’ll always acknowledge them and then walk right the fuck on by as we do what makes us happy.

THIS is what prevents suicide. THIS is what will ensure that my child who suffers a debilitating disorder knows that it is exactly that–a disorder. Not him. It requires maintenance like any other medical issue. It requires attention, and what he knows is that it’s attention that we all will give. THAT IS WHAT WE NEED TO DO, FOLKS. PAY ATTENTION WHEN ATTENTION IS NEEDED AND REACT.  It’s not enough to be aware of the threat–there are measures you can take every day to keep it in the side-vision. So that it won’t affect you. So that suicide doesn’t sneak up on you.

Live your life shamelessly and openly. And love people. Loving people openly and with investment can make the difference between doing the irreversible thing and not. Be the one to take the initiative and tell someone that they matter to you, that you notice there’s a change, that you think they need help and that you want to help them get it sooner rather than later. Be uncomfortable. The alternative is a lot worse.

Share what you know about suicide and how it affects you today. Challenge yourself to bring it up in one way to someone today. It may start a conversation that someone desperately needs. It may change a life to hear, “I’ve noticed…” It may save a life to hear, “I think you need some help. I want to help you.” It may save a life down the road if you start telling someone how YOU feel–it may help them open up when they never thought they could.

Have faith in yourself to help others have faith in themselves. Be the prevention.

MY BIRTHDAY WISHES FOR YOU.

TODAY’S BREW: Pumpkin Spice Latte! BECAUSE IT IS FALL I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY

By Julie 

Today is my birthday! I don’t concern myself with getting older past the preparation phase. I have super horrid anxiety about WHAT IF *SOMETHING* HAPPENS AND MY CHILDREN AND HUSBAND ARE LEFT DIRECTIONLESS AND WITHOUT PROPER RESOURCES, stemming from *applicable childhood trauma*. As far as getting old goes… please. Have you seen/talked to/been assaulted physically or verbally by me lately?

I swear today to NOT apologize for not blogging every minute of my life because I’m so absolutely certain that you all wake up swearing every day about it. “Where the hell has Julie Hutchings been? What does she do all day anyway?”

Nice segue, Julie. What do I do all day anyway? I shall tell you:

napoleon

It’s true though! I WANT to write books, I WANT to edit you guys’s books (also a Napoleon reference, not my own bad grammar), I WANT to run the Scholastic book fairs, I WANT to have a side business to fund a Star Wars Land trip, I WANT to hang out with my kids and husband and watch movies, I WANT to have a dozen reptiles or more, I WANT to have a stack of books on every surface. I want to do all this stuff and I DO IT.

This is my definition of success. I’ve got dreams, and I make them realities. So if you ask me if I’ve had a successful 43 years, I would answer “INDEED!” and probably do some dance that would humiliate all those around me.

Last year, by the way, my birthday fell on National Read A Book Day AND Coffee Ice Cream Day. So to celebrate my birthday going forward, I want all of you to read or buy a book, or both, and have either ice cream or coffee or both. And be your dream.

Julie Book News!

TODAY’S BREW: Lots. I’m recovering from stupid shingles

By Julie 

YES, I had to mention that I have shingles because they are GROSS, and there’s a monster on my wrist that we’ve given several identities to:

  • The Squid Foot
  • The Upside Down Portal
  • The Eye of Sauron
  • Planet Puke

But this isn’t about shingles! Come on.

Though I was at the ER for like, half a day.

I’m just really thrilled that RUNNING AWAY‘s release was smooth, and that RUNNING HOME has been making it into new hands. I’d forgotten how much I loved RUNNING AWAY, particularly the new guy, Kieran. I have a death grip on that character.

In the meantime, the trilogy will be finishing off soon! About halfway through CRAWLING BACK, the last book when we see Eliza return to New Hampshire to find a whole new world.

Well, not really, but she’s gonna make it one.

Next up for the world to see, however is a different book, unrelated to the Shinigami world or to THE WIND BETWEEN WORLDS, my YA debut.

THE HARPY will achieve liftoff in October.

I will say it again.

THE HARPY WILL ACHIEVE LIFTOFF IN OCTOBER.

THE HARPY is different than my other novels, a lot more like my short stories (go play on my short story page). It, like my namesake, is scary, but with pretty insides. And horror is where I feel the most comfortable. Horror is in my skin (that would be an Easter egg into the book I’m writing after CRAWLING BACK is finished). And the Harpy herself, Charity Blake… That girl has a story to tell, and that’s putting it lightly.

So that’s the stuff I’ve been up to between the pages! Hope you’ve gotten your copy of RUNNING AWAY, read up on my main man, Kieran. And feel fall approaching, my friends. IT IS OUR TIME TO SHINE.

Run TO, not away from my book.

TODAY’S BREW: It’s boiling out but I will drink Aldi’s Donut Shoppe until I sweat caffeine

By Julie 

I want to clear this up.

The book is called RUNNING AWAY. It is not an instruction manual. Do not do that.

This book does not require (or come with) running shoes.

RUNNING AWAY is the sequel to RUNNING HOME. Do run to read that first before this one. HERE’S THE LINK. RUNNING HOME: book 1, the Shinigami Vampires

This is RUNNING AWAY: book 2. SO PRETTY. Click here for RUNNING AWAY

Running Away Cover

Okay, so I’ve been kinda funny, but now I’ll be serious-ish.

Fun fact, I wrote all of RUNNING HOME by hand. Every last word. Didn’t even own a computer. It wasn’t until I realized I’d done something that deserved a chance that I got a laptop and started typing–and found out that I had more than one book handwritten in half a dozen binders, notebooks, scraps… And RUNNING AWAY was born.

To write a first book matters. It’s the turning point, the first foot in the deep end.

To write a sequel means you’ve committed. You are IN it. There’s not even a towel on the other side of the deep end now.

To publish a sequel after experiencing all the difficulties that I have with this series is invigorating… Empowering. But that is a story for another blog. For now I will tell you that this series, this book, have been through hell. And that we came out on the other side of. Join us there.

 

Running-Away-Teaser-1

Running-Away-Teaser-2

PRE-ORDER RUNNING AWAY!

TODAY’S BREW: hunting down a Pumpkin Spice Latte

By Julie 

I CANNOT WAIT ANYMORE.

YOU CAN PREORDER THE SEQUEL TO RUNNING HOMERUNNING AWAYRIGHT GODDAMN NOW FOR 99 CENTS, and be the first to have it on August 7th when it’s released. LOOK AT THAT COVER.

AND READ THAT BLURB, DAWG.

Eliza Morgan is desperate to leave the horrors of her mortal life and understand why death follows her, leaving only one man—Nicholas French—in its wake. He’s the one she loves, the one she resents, and the one fated to make her legendary among the Shinigami—an ancient order of vampires with a “heroic” duty to their victims.

Nicholas is also decaying before her eyes, and it’s her fault.

On the ghostlike mountaintop in Japan, Eliza will be guided by the all-powerful Master for her transition to Shinigami death god. When Eliza discovers that sacrificing her destiny will save Nicholas, she’s not afraid to defy fate to make it so. Both Nicholas and his beloved Master fight her on veering from the path to immortality, but Eliza won’t be talked out of her plan, even if it drives a deeper wedge between her and Nicholas. Not even when Nicholas’s salvation tortures her with puzzle-piece visions, begging her to solve them.

Allying with the fiery rebel, Kieran, who does what he wants and encourages her to do the same, and a mysterious deity that only she can see, Eliza must forge her own path through a maze of primal traditions and rivalries, shameful secrets and dark betrayals, to take back the choices denied her and the Shinigami who see her as their savior. And she’ll start a war to save the loved ones that fate threatens to claim. 

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How To Summer by Julie

TODAY’S BREW: still hot coffee despite the heat that even my lizards hate.

By Julie 

The school year is overrrrrr! I do a lot with the school, so this is like quitting a part time job, not to mention that I’m probably over-involved to the point of smothering with my boys so that’s taxing. For me. AHAHAHAHAHA no seriously though.

But this year ended with Bennett getting a presidential award for his academic achievements in elementary school, one of only a handful of kids, and it’s a big deal. I’m sodden with happy mom tears. And Sammy got a Best Effort award at the last ceremony, his first award in two years, and that’s a huge deal too–because the amount of effort he puts in on a daily basis is staggering, and harder to see. I could go on all day about a child with mood disorders and OCD and their struggles, but that is not what I’m here for today.

What I’m here for today is to say SCHOOL IS OUT FOR THE SUMMER.

This for me means…

person holding clear glass ball with flame

…if you look closely enough you can see me screaming in the blaze deep in the little hamster ball.

Nooo, not just heat beyond my wildest imagination, but TIME.

Generally I’m so CAMP MOM-like that writing falls to the side. Coincidentally, during the school year when I’m very involved there, writing falls to the side. Because I am a mom first. A very dedicated mom. But this summer is different. Sam is 8–old enough and stable enough to leave with his 11 year old brother for an hour or two even. They occupy themselves a lot. They understand completely that I have something to do and SUPPORT me in that. They’re proud of my writing, of what I do. So it’s going to be a productive and yet also relaxed summer! ALL MY YEARS OF HARD WORK TO CREATE WORK/LIFE BALANCE MIGHT PAY OFF!

To be able to chill out with the kids after writing, to be able to write after a day out somewhere (we’re huge advocates of a day trip), to be able to say “grab something for a snack, you won’t die, and I’ll make dinner in a half hour” is incredibly freeing.

I most certainly pat myself on the back for these, and the extraordinary amount of other measures I’ve taken, to give my kids and myself some supported freedom.

I’ve also learned that the if only approach is complete bullshit. If only I had help for one more day a week, if only the kids could go outside on their own right now, if only I wasn’t the one in charge of all the household duties, etc… Tough, life doesn’t stop for that stuff, and life isn’t ideal all the time, but I LIKE IT. I’m happy as hell, to be honest. Wishing for more time, more help, more energy, it doesn’t work. Ironically, it saps time and energy until I can’t even ask for said help.

JUST DO IT AND DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES LATER.

It’s like the whole “ask forgiveness, not permission” thing. Except it’s for and from myself. And it’s also ass backwards. I can and will do all the stuff I have to do, I’ll put my head down and actually enjoy it despite its challenges, and I’m okay with not getting to write for a day because there was too much laundry, I wanted to hang out with the kids, I wanted to do something else, anything else!

Accepting all the circumstances of my life and living it is pretty nice.

Striving for better is great. Wishing for better sucks.

Enjoying what I have is awesome. Optimism rules. I’m lucky to be the person that’s always known this.

What I will work on though, is setting boundaries for myself–not goals exactly–boundaries. Saying no sometimes. No to writing, no to cooking (gladly), no to a day trip, no to saying I’m too tired and don’t feel like it. It’s a balance of knowing when I’m slacking and when I’m living and when I’m doing too much.

Will this go super smoothly? Probably not. Will I get a book out in July and another in September? This is the plan.

It is not a plan of WRITE 1000 WORDS A DAY OR SEVER A LIMB, it’s a plan where I take into account that I’m a PERSON, that I don’t fit into a rule-box, even if I’m the one making it, and a plan to put books out my way. They may not make me rich, but they’re exactly as I want them, though not always as fast as I want them. And I’ll do it while loving and living life, though I may not fit into the indie schedule and production life that would make me “successful.” Success is many-layered. I’m okay making the bulk of my income from editing rather than writing. It may not always be that way, but so far? It works. And they’re both part of my same dream WHERE I FALL INTO A BOOK AND IT EATS ME ALIVE.

So folks, give a little. Live a little. Shut up and work a little. Thank yourself sometimes, and kick yourself in the ass sometimes, but not too much of the latter. Be present. Stop. Say no. Do what you want. Be who you are.

And hide in the air conditioning and cry until the heat goes away.

Julie vs. Apartment and Sparking Creativity (and a ghost story)

TODAY’S BREW: smooth as silk Guatemalan good stuff. You can’t have mine but get your own. Ground Roots Coffee Roasting Co.

By Julie 

HI EVERYBODY. You’re like, who the hell is this person, she wrote a book a dozen years ago and now she thinks I have time for her. I’VE BEEN BUSY WITH SO MANY THINGS I COULD DIE, FOLKS. Renovated my kitchen by myself. I’m super goddamn proud of that. Did it from the moving of all the furniture, building the new stuff, retracking drawers, stripping and painting all the walls and cabinets (including having to climb a shelf, step INTO the freezer, and sit on top of the fridge to paint up there), re-hardwaring and hanging all the cabinets, re-doing the entire backsplash…. and I did it in a month. ME. I didn’t do the floor, that was some other guy. My before pics include such things as an actual wall-mounted cream colored Dixie cup holder, wood paneling, and the most unsanitary floor to ever grace an apartment.

This one has my Small Mexican Dog, Penny in it. She has since passed away. I am not ready to discuss.

The work in progress was a thing of nightmares. But my finishing up result was just what I like.

Now that it’s been lived in a while, it’s even better. lived in kitchen

I want to be home all the time.

Until I remember that I’m still working on the bathroom. I’ve provided short videos for your viewing pleasure.

Julie vs. Bathroom 1

Julie vs. Bathroom 2

It’s looking more lived in too! Maybe a little extra lived in today. This is real time, so no judgment. And when school gets out I’m installing a sink and a new floor by my onesies!

What this all tells me–and this isn’t even all the reno I’ve done–is that I needed a creative outlet besides writing. I needed more, and I let myself fall into it completely. It felt great to do this stuff, to pay attention to every little detail and put in stuff that I loved. All of it matters to me, from the spray bottles to the spraypainted insides of $1 store glass bottles. Our apartment is truly ours.

YOU DID THIS ALL IN A RENTAL, JULIE?

I did, and I don’t feel bad about it. This is my home. It’s okay! The joy of the sweating and building and trips to Lowe’s until I had an actual Lowe’s Guy of my own, the stripping of the old to make it mine, it felt so grass roots and really brought out all the resourcefulness I’ve got penned up. I may or may not have obsessed a little. I’ve now moved on to rooms that probably didn’t need reno.

The best part is now that I feel even more at home in my home, my writing bug is back, and so I wrote a weekender short story for you guys! A little ghost story that I thought you might like. You deserve it after being ignored for so long. Have fun, it should take you like, 5 minutes (click title): YOU DON’T GIVE ME FLOWERS

And remember to do something creative today. Make a thing. Do a thing.